User:Thornclaw Braveheart/Thorn's Poems, Songs, and Other Works

Redwall Showdown
Asmodeus Poisonteeth was slitherin' 'round,

Mossflower Woods like a big playground,

When suddenly Matthias came without a word,

And hit Asmodeus with his sword!

Asmodeus got ticked and his eyes flared,

But he was intercepted by Basil Stag Hare,

Who proceeded to give Asmodeus' fangs a tweak,

When out from the blue came the kite Bluddbeak

And he started beatin' up Basil Stag with his claws,

When out came the cart of Cluny the Scourge (*yawns*)

But before he could make it back to Saint Ninians,

Badrang the Tyrant came with his minions!

He pulled a copy of Martin's Sword right from out of his cape!

And tried to stab Matthias in the nape!

But he was ambushed and ran away!

Because Mariel Gullwhacker came to save the day!

Asmodeus took a nibble out of Storm Gullwhacker!

Like rain in a cave goes pitter-patter!

And Basil came back covered in a wagon track!

Deyna jumped up and landed on his back!

And Matthias was injured and tryin' to get steady,

When Badrang the Tyrant came back with a machete!

But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped!

Bullflag the ferret took him out with his whip!

Then he saw Asmodeus sneakin' up from behind!

And he reached for his sword, which he just couldn't find!

'Cause Matthias stole it an' he threw it an' he missed!

And Deyna deflected it with his fist and he jumped in the air and did a somersault!

While Badrang the Tyrant tried to pole vault onto Malkariss' statue but they fell in a gutter!

Where they both got killed by Cheek Stag Otter!

And as the fight got dirtier and dirtier, down from the heavens descended Martin the Warrior,

And he delivered a slice that could silence a parrot,

Into the gut of Bullflag the ferret and as he fell down (dag nabbit!)

Matthias put on his green habit, but Martin saw through the clever disguise,

And he sliced Matthias in his thighs!

Then Felldoh the squirrel, and Ranguvar Foeseeker!

And Dinny the Foremole who tried to dig deeper!

Cap'n Tramun Clogg an' Constance the stripedog!

Lord Brocktree an' a horde o' bumblebees!

Songbreeze, Rakkety Tam, Cap'n Vilu an' Zwilt the Shade!

Gonff, Flinky, and Redwall brothers with kits of first aid!

Slagar the Cruel and Gulo the Savage! Ublaz Mad Eyes an' the Ravagers who ravage!

All came out o' nowhere an' didn't blink, and they fought Martin the Warrior and kicked his seat!

It was the bloodiest battle that Redwall every saw with civilians lookin' on in total awe!

The fight went on for a century! Many lives were claimed but eventually,

The champion stood after killing a spider:'  BRIAN JACQUES WITH HIS TYPEWRITER!