Journal: 2-2-2012
I wrote this as an emotion vent. Tiria Wildlough File:Tiria.JPG Ee aye eeeh! 19:45, February 2, 2012 (UTC)
I feel so incredibly dissatisfied with myself, with my life
I’m not doing all these things
The things I enjoy
The things I need to do to simply survive
I just don’t care anymore
I don’t even want to care
It takes too much. It takes so much out of me
Being awake is exhausting in itself.
I just don’t want to do this anymore
I don’t want to be this
But I can’t seem to get through something
Something
So many things
Being hurt by the wrong people
Doing all the wrong things
At the worst possible times
So many times
Where am I?
And what am I doing here?
Nothing productive, that’s for sure.
A slave to grief
An insomniac
I’m not taking care of myself and I’m lying about it
I want to leave so badly
But that’s an obvious statement: “I’m not happy”
I don’t want anyone to know I’m not happy
I don’t want to fail anyone, I can’t do this; if I do I’ll fail them
I know I will.
I just want to accomplish something, anything at this point
Do something right
Make a promise and keep it, set a goal and reach it.
I want to cry, I want to break down
And be able to let someone console me
I’m giving up on things
Few things feel important to me
Am I closer to the edge than ever?
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I did this vent because I lost a dearly loved friend to suicide February 3, 2008. My father sent me a trickle-down e-mail September 11, 2008 and just dumped the news on me. My family's ignored my grief ever since I found out about his passing.
I never knew the exact date my friend passed until late 2011.
1978-2008 :'(